Good evening world,. Its been a few days since I have blogged. My mind has been pretty blank lately. Kids are back to school, routines have started. The morning ones are still hard to get in order. Having them all get dressed and ready is the hard the part. If they concentrate more on getting ready like they do fighting it would make life much easier. I have days with a break now until they arrive home from school, then the screaming, yelling, and fighting begin. My stress level is so high when they get home. I wish they would just listen and act like humans.

Relationship is going good, goals are being completed, communicating has become easier than before. Working on moving out of here soon.

Living with mental illness and having a relationship with someone who loves you and supports you is hard. Sometimes I feel I’m too broken for him to love me. Having someone in your life that gives his all to you everyday makes your life so much more.

Mine all started when I was young. I lived in a dysfunctional family. My step dad was a very abusive man to my mom, sister, and myself. He was physically abusive, emotionally abusive. EG…your stupid, can’t do anything right,. You start to feel worthless and your no good. There was times where I didn’t even want to exist anymore. I was so controlled and caged that when I ended up moving out when I was 16 I ended up feeling free and attaching myself to anyone to have that human interaction.

My relationships weren’t always good due to not having parents that loved each other and a parent that was not abusive to us children. I built walls to protect myself, I was the one that would hurt first so I wouldn’t get hurt. Communication is a big issue for me too. Always seeing my parents fight and my step father physical towards my mother. They never really talked only on the good days.

I had hard times during my middle 20’s when I dated someone that was the same as my step father. Living with him wasn’t healthy but I think about it now and realize that it was normal for me. I lived like that 4 years off and on. I was moved around everywhere away from family and friends. I lived in shelters to shelters at times with babies.

When I finally decided to leave the situation thats when I met my husband. He was not like the rest. He was caring and loving and for myself that was something I wasn’t use to. I still built walls to protect myself because I was always waiting for him to leave or hit me or call me names. He would compliment me and buy me things, but I would feel I wasn’t worth that much.

It took me 10 years and a problems and issues that we had to deal with for me to realize that I didn’t need to have my walls up because I felt that if I did I would miss out on the most important person in my life, and I couldn’t give my whole heart to him.

I deal with depression, anxiety, and panic disorders. I take medication for these issues. As I got older my past crept up on me, it caused the depression the thoughts of worthlessness of being no good and not being good enough for someone to love and be with. My next step is to talk to a councillor to deal with everything from when I was young till now being an adult.

Its March Break here in my home for a week. Six kids running around the house, fighting and yelling at one another. The feelings as a mom its very stressful, emotionally draining. Its hard being a mom and a house wife while the husband is out working all day. Usually kids listen to their father more than their mother. I find they walk all over me. Have any of my readers find they have this issue? What are your solutions or any ideas that may help us moms at home with childeren.

I find it hard also when your being lipped by your 11 year old daughter. It drives me crazy. If I acted that way when I was that age I would’ve had my butt smacked so hard I couldn’t sit for years, but this day an age I find kids from this generation are very rude, ignorant, disrespectful, and very lazy. I know that some will say that its from the upbringing of the parents, but at the same time punishing your child is quite different now then back in the 70’s.

I find that timeouts and taking things they love the most away don’t work. They still act the same, treat you the same. Wouldn’t it be nice if when you first got pregnant they handed you a “How to be the perfect parent” If you think about it, it would make this parenting life a little easier.

Don’t get me wrong I love my childeren, but at times it would be nice to pause life for a bit and do what you wanted to do, and what you wanted to eat, go anywhere you wanted to go. its frustrating when you open a pop and its gone in seconds. But thats the story of my life. and it continues……..

We have lived in our complex for 10 years now. At first we had good neighbours, friendly, respectable and bearable to live beside. As the years went by I would say about 6years ago when we got new neighbours beside us they haven’t been very pleasant to live next to.

They would say that they were our friends, but it never turned out to be like that. Its like living next to that neighbour from the movie with” Samuel L Jackson that terriouses the neighbours ” They would try to interfere in our lives, out their opinions in when not needed. They tried to ruin our relationship, got us fighting with each other. The women and her boyfriend would fight constantly try to have us take sides. They would fight all the time..late last summer her boyfriend got arrested and she was left living alone. I figured that all would be good, but it didn’t let long.. My husbands cousin decided to move in with her with his son due to him losing his place to live and had no where to live. Before he had to move that was my husbands go to guy to vent to about our issues with the ones that he decided to live with. It caused mixed feelings between everyone involved. His son was not the polites child. My husband didn’t want our children playing with him due this reason. His cousin didn’t except that his child could be like that even tho that were other neighbours that sins want him playing with their children either. Thats how it all started and also to mention that my husband was not fond of his so called girlfriend which made it harder to live next to each other.

The beginning of last summer as you can guess was not a nice one. We were prisoners of our house. It was uncomfortable to walk in and out of the house, go to and from our car. I couldn’t even sit out back minding my business without her yelling over the fence with at me. They tried to call anyone that they could to try disrupt our lives worse than they already had. With all this going on it started to effect us in unhealthy way. We started to get depressed, anxiety levels were high, our children couldn’t go outside, which made things worse considering that there are six of them running around the house.

I started to feel that this war that they had created due to us just wanting to live our lives in peace that I would be the bigger the person and apologize just so things would go back to normal. All was good for about six months, We had talked, amores on the front porch a few times. When my husband and I started to get our lives back to normal and things were awesome between us, I back off a bit and started doing my own thing and staying inside more in my room.. I had finally realized that all our issues with our marriage and getting alone with each other was mostly caused by them.

As you read above in my past post that we had issues. I was manipulated to the point where my marriage looked like it was falling apart, and it almost did if we hadn’t worked together and figured our lives out. I felt and thought that since she was suppose to be my friend that she was guiding me and giving me good advice. I was wrong, she was not being my real friend, but fake as fake could ever exist. You see when I was growing up, I grew up in a dysfunctional family home. My step father was abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically. I didn’t grow up like a normal kid that had sleep overs or went to there friends houses. Now as I’m older I crave friendships and being social with people. So now that I took my husbands advice and backed off a bit from those negative people. They started with their behaviour again. For example: banging on the bedroom wall all night for weeks straight, scratched my husbands work van, writing on a piece cardboard airing out our issues for the whole complex to read by putting it up on my husbands work van. We believe that their mission was to tear apart our family and have my husband move out. “Why” you ask? we are still trying to figure that out also. Since her so called boyfriend was my husbands cousin he started causing issues between family members for us.

Living beside them while all this is going on is causing both my husband and I great anxiety, I’m not wanting to leave the house or come back home. You see when her ex boyfriend left they ended up putting in securtiy cameras which face our side of the porch and door. When ever I tell anyone what we have been dealing with they all say call the cops or the housing manager. Those are great options but at that sometime it won’t help because they always play the victim or the situation may become worse then it already has.

Our plan at the moment is finding a house away from here so we won’t to deal with it anymore. Its a challenge finding something else when they ask for so much. like credit, employer letters or other unquestionable things…the search continues….

We all would think that being in a relationship it would come easy, but it doesn’t. Its a learning process that I feel takes a lifetime. The one thing that helped myself is that my partner knows me insideout more than I know myself.

It all started when I was I younger and my step father was a mean an abusive man to my mom, sister and myself. As I grew up and started my journey of life it didn’t always go as planned. I met a few that were not relationship type. They either abusive or just not into the relationship at all. I lived like this for years until one day I had enough and moved to my mothers house for a week and then to a shelter where I resided for 3 months. that time was tough due to not having much support and 3 children with me. It did get easier when I finally moved into my own place. I didn’t have much when when I moved but as the years went by thing start to accumulate fast. Thats when I met my husband, he was kind loving, and very supportive. It was hard for me et the time to except all this kindness when I had just endured years of abuse. Communicating for me was hard due to not knowing how. I always lived trying to having everyones approval and I think in all that time I forgot about myself. In my present situation it wasn’t all roses and candy, but times hurt and unwantedness on both parts. A #relationship is a two way street and believe me if one person is always trying to fix the circumstances it won’t work. You both have to want too, sit down with each other and let out all that is on your mind whether its good or bad. Finding solutions can come easy, but again you both will need to work together. We went years with him going to work and I’m with the kids. I started to feel unwanted, unloved, unappreciated, and everything I did was never good enough. Having these feelings and friends that are fake did not help our situation at all. She gave bad advice, bad mouthed my situation and came across that I was better off without my husband and our life together. I began to feel that she right in that she was saying because it felt that we weren’t connecting anymore. I started feeling and thinking that my love for him wasn’t there anymore, and we needed to change our situation and him move out. It was over the Christmas that we started to connect a bit. I started to lay beside him at night. Things were not back to normal but it was a start to something. We did that for about a week or so until we sat down with a bottle of wine and beer and started talking. It was a amazing feeling the way we start to have a normal conversation with each other and getting to know one another again all over. Every morning and night when we see each other we kiss one another ask how our day has been. We talk every night and make time for each other. That was always the problem #makingtime with each other. I look back and wonder why it took for the worst to happen for us to reconnect again.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Have you ever woke up one day and thot where has my life gone? I have, I met my husband in 2008, I had 4 children when I met him, they were small at the time and he didn’t mind them. As time went on and we started to grow together we started having children of our own. We had 4 children together. our relationship was great but the not as great as it should be. You see when your family grows as big as ours you start to for get to acknowledge each other and focus more on the children and work and your relationship starts to fade a bit, sex is not there as it once was all the time.. I found finding the time or even want to at the end of the day was hard. Your tired, you had to get kids to school, do laundry, clean the house, run out and do errands maybe if take the car to the garage. By the time you get to bed your exhausted, from the kids coming home from school, making supper, helping with homework and giving them all baths. Then its your husbands turn to walk through the door from his long day at work, now you have to attend to his needs, supper, clean clothes for his shower before bed, maybe slip in a movie to watch with each other, and we all know by the end of it you are both sleeping by the time the beginning title comes up.

Like I said before there is never enough time in your day to all the things that you want to accomplish. ” When was your last date night? “Do you have hard time finding a babysitter for your big family?
DOES DATE NIGHT REALLY EXISTS?
Our life does not consists of a lot of them. if we have one once a year I would say we are lucky. Its the planning, finding a babysitter, and one who would want to car3e for all out children. Now if are unable to do s date night how are you suposse to manage an overnight weekend. We #dream about it, but at he early times of our relationship we learned to adapt to the way our life was going to be with all the kids. As the years go by, you start to realize that your relationship is missing something. Things go silent, life goes bla and live like that for years. Eventually you wake up and wonder what happened to your marriage.
Communication is a big part of your relationship. When your relationship starts to turn sour and your mind wonders and heart starts to ache. You wonder is worth fighting for? Where do you go from here, you do you talk to, how do you bring this topic up to your partner when you only see then for a couple hours at night. For all that are worrying and wondering if this the end for you? Don’t because I have been there. Its hard work but at the end it does all work out., and its great. Your as one again, a team, in love like you were when you first met. You communicate more because you learn to talk to each other, learn to be around each other. It so much learning but enjoying each other and missing one another when your apart. Life is full of unexpected adventures and if you don’t take a step back and recognize them they pass by and are missed.
Just remember one thing as you read this., if you don’t take the time for each other and reconnect you will give up and feel that all that those years together were for nothing.